chi-eng translated, 1597 words, various pairings
"after 48 hours, only one boy will be alive in this house"
Extra Chapter (different author)
We are meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?
Walking out the washroom, I saw Baekhyun come out from the bedroom, I stopped subconsciously the moment he walked pass me.
I didn’t turn, but I could still see his tiny figure approach the bathroom. I remembered the showcase in Seoul two years ago, he said, Kris hyung’s facial features resemble mine a little, that’s why I wanted to get close with him.
I kept my image in front of the camera while laughing in my heart, which part do we resemble each other? I have delicate features while you have small eyes, nose and mouth.
I remembered when we walked Yixing whose back injury out broke back to the hotel, Yixing complained: “Baekhyun you are only being kind and walking me back just because you want to get close to your Kris hyung am I right, look at your undisguised admire.”
Baekhyun squinted smiling: “yes I admire Kris hyung, but I like you Yixing hyung, I failed numerous times asking for your kiss, now is a good chance.” He pretended to kiss Yixing.
Yixing dodged, hissing in pain.
Baekhyun retreated quickly, nervously asking: “I’m sorry I’m sorry, are you alright?”
Yixing shook his head, he glanced at me smiling: “Why are you guys idolizing this guy, what’s so good about him? Tell me, why.”
Baekhyun rolled his eyes: “Because Kris hyung is tall, I want to grow taller too.”
I have always been really confident of my charm and charisma, I stared at him: “Are you kidding. It’s just because I’m tall?”
Baekhyun only smiled.
I looked up and saw Jongin who kept looking in our way, and something struck my mind, I deliberately raised my voice: “then why don’t you admire Jongin, he’s tall too.”
As expected, I think I caught Jongin who had his back against us prick up his ears nervously.
Baekhyun pouted, his face became a grieving one with his drooping eyes: “He’s younger than me by 2 years! I hate people who are younger but taller than me”
Jongin’s ears dropped depressingly.
I had a hard time holding back my laughter, blurting out a Chinese phrase: “Don’t idolize hyung, hyung is just a legend. ”
Baekhyun tilted his head asked Yixing: “What does that mean?”
Yixing laughed and thought deeply about how to define the Chinese phrase and finally he spoke: “he said, do not idolize him, he is not as good as you think.”
Only now had I realised, Yixing’s translation was so appropriate.
Little Baekhyun, don’t idolize hyung, hyung is a bad guy.
I grabbed the plastic rope tightly around the coming person’s slim neck; I ridiculed myself for shaking because of the shock and pain when I realised who it was.
Wasn’t the death list already decided when you wrote those Chinese words only Chinese members could understand? I said to myself, what are you feigning?
Although he was the older one, he was much shorter and much smaller than me, it did not require my full ounce of strength to even feel his life pass away in my very hands.
I bowed my head and avoided looking at him who flailed his hands desperately and supported himself off the ground with his legs. In an eye flash, it was that steak pendant.
I recalled what he had said, you simply gave me this pendant while I was unaware of the meaning behind it, not knowing if it was for me to keep or wear, so I bought a matching chain to wear it on.
I loosened my grip, he crawled in agony towards the door.
I didn’t know who it was who stumbled across to shut the door. Tightening my hands, I dragged him backwards again and added even more force in strangling, to the extent whereby my veins had started protruding.
I seemed to be witnessing the entire process at the entrance of the door.
Recalling my birthday party from 2 years ago, he said, Tao, in Korea you are always aging alongside me, I heard that you even cried because you missed me so bad while in China, although Tao appeared to be really frightening, but in my heart, he is indeed young and gentle ….
I watched as the genuinely gentle and weak person gradually stop struggling and finally, stopped moving.
I watched as the murderer lowered his head and shed a tear which fell onto his pale face.
Suddenly, I seemed to experience a really close perspective from that face as I heard myself say, steak, I am missing you again, missing you so much that I’m crying.
Every time we promoted in China, I would be right beside you translating, I am really yearning to translate for you again, leave quickly.
Why aren’t you leaving
3. Byun Baekhyun
I watched as the breathless Kyungsoo fell, as the scorpion’s sting stabbed right into his chest, just like how I had pierce that glass shard right through Junmyeon’s chest.
I was reminded of how we did silly greetings to the fans who surrounded us at the fansign, then sprawling across the table when I couldn’t take it anymore. Recalling what Chanyeol said to me: “you are constantly looking at Kyungsoo who has entered an alien status, with that tinge of adorable yet heartbreaking love written all over your face, how disgusting.”
I glared at him, then continued to scrutinize my healing god Kyungsoo: “none of your business, look at what he is doing, he is so adorable I’m going to die.”
But now, I’ve killed him.
D.O.alien, are you back on your planet, earth is too dangerous, don’t come back here.
When my neck was reined from behind, the thing that surfaced in my mind was back was the time I had learn aikido,the instructor had taught us how to deal with attacks from behind, so that regardless of how strong the other was, even with the fastest and strongest force, you would not fail.
I extended my hand backwards but failed to catch anyone, I shifted my gaze onto the mirror, it was my steak, Tao.
My movements froze, just for one second, and in an eye flash, I was dragged onto the ground in a strangled state.
I did not stand a chance. And even if I did, I would miss it.
I heard his voice trembling softly and calling out my name, Bo Xian, it was in Chinese, I could comprehend it.
In the past, in China when I did my introductions, he was always right beside me, reading word by word to me, to be honest I knew, I didn’t require his demonstrations, but every time I heard him speak it once voluntarily, I would be elated.
He spoke again in Chinese, I’m sorry. That too, I understood.
I wanted to say that it didn’t matter, but my neck was reined and I had lost the ability to utter a sound, I watched his painful expressions with my eyes wide open, desperately thinking of three chinese words.
It doesn’t matter.
4. Park Chanyeol
When Kris rushed out with the sword that had sliced the plastic rope intending to take action, I was frozen to the spot. Awhile ago while separated by the door, I could exert all my force but right now as I faced him, there was nothing I could do.
I recalled the times when we rapped together, times when we were perturbed by the fact that we couldn’t dance well because of the long legs and arms, when sat together along the roadside sharing a pair of earphones while listening to songs, when we draped our hands over each other’s shoulders during the concert, flaunting our highest altitudes of love.
Every time the two groups reunited I would always submit to my temptations of following him, he would say yo chanyeol you again while I would reply yo you are so tall and easy to spot.
I admired Kris not only because of the fact that he was taller. He was born with an aura to entice the crowd, a presence which fostered trust between others.
I recalled the one time when we ridiculed each other’s dancing, Kris hooked my neck and exposed his presence yet again, saying: “be presumptuous again and I’ll hit you.”
I grinned cheekily and replied: “how would you bear to take action on this super, extremely, adorable brother.”
He laughed, pulled my head and shook, saying: “yeah, how could I bear to hit you.”
Kris grabbed and dragged my hair, pushing me against the wall while I met with his depression and dismay filled eyes, experiencing the aches all over my body, I wanted to speak, Wu Fan, you hit me. But I was immediately shoved into the closet.
The world plunged into abrupt darkness, that dashing face I had envied and felt jealous of umpteen times, the one I was immensely reliant on, it was out of my view. All I felt was the sudden stomach pain. I faced the door and murmured: “hyung, you hit me.”
Chanyeol: I still idolize Kris, he was a person who would give up everything for his friends.
And in that everything, I was included.
Kris: Have I not told you that your dancing was really horrid and that it wasn’t attributed to your height, myself who is taller than you can dance so much better.
Next time do not join this kind of dance team, you do not fit.
My arm lifted and fell, Jongin turned to look at me, falling all too slowly with one hand grabbing my arm while the other clutching tightly on my clothes.
I shut my eyes and malevolently pushed him to the ground, he opened his helpless eyes wide, probably recalling all the invincible wars in his short life time, this was probably the only one defeat, the very last defeat.
Kim Jongin, haven’t you been saying we were hypocrites, then what about you?
Tao killed Baekhyun, you killed him.
Baekhyun killed the Junmyeon you had known for 6 years, you were broken hearted, but still protected Baekhyun without hesitation.
Kim Jongin, in fact, you are hypocritical too.
You who were usually full of casual disdain had in fact let out the powerful yet delicate Kim Jongin
at the beginning of the game.
You were indeed the king of games, no one could win against you, no one except Baekhyun, but we all know you did it deliberately.
This time, his death had truthfully allowed you to lose.
As I watched you gaze at his body, I knew.
You are out.
Indeed, you promptly broke down, went out of control, and became vulnerable.
All the calm and wisdom from before, it instantly collapsed.
I looked at Luhan, speaking through my eyes, you have lost Kim Jongin, you are going to lose. I was reminded of the one unusual time we stood alone in the corner to speak, mentioning that you heard my nickname was a priest.
Jongin had never unconditionally idolized me unlike the other members, of course, I am not that narcissistic to perceive the fact that the other members worshipped me, I was just curious, so I gazed in the direction of the other members and joked, “everyone is a believer of me,” taking the opportunity to ask: “a kid like you, say, why haven’t you joined my church?”
He revealed a rare dazzling smile and replied: “I have other beliefs.”
Although his looks maintained on the crazy crowd of people, I observed as his eyes smiled and scrunched up, revealing a row of white teeth, wearing a look of a youthful schoolboy.
Kris: Jongin, you were initially the person who could live till the end, if Baekhyun did not exist. Also, I killed your Baekhyun, it wasn’t Tao, you stabbed the wrong person.
Kim Jongin: Perhaps in the beginning I should not have acted smart and elected Luhan, although we would die sooner under the plans made in Chinese, but at least Baekhyun would have died by my side, dying before I could speak. Or better yet, we could have died together.
With the person I wanted to protect most gone, what else could I do.
Upon discovering the chimney, I thought to myself that since I was going to die, why not give it a try.
I went downstairs to look for Wu Yifan, saw the plastic rope and casually asked if he could lend it to me.
He shook his head.
I mocked him in my heart, I asked if I could borrow it, wow you have really treat it as your belonging, please, I got that after playing with the rubiks cube. On the surface I smiled and waved my hand, “Then forget it …. By the way, I have one more favour to ask for.”
Then, forget the subsequent parts, I was not really yearning to escape anyway.
I watched as he held the lighter which almost burnt him to death, I did not blame him. I went back upstairs to tear apart the bed sheets and tied them into knots without even using much strength, I tied them really casually.
I judged myself for wanting to meet my death yet at the same time pretending to save myself.
Forgive me for the unconventional and unrestrained humor in my entire lifetime, even until the very last moment, I was laughing so hard at myself I couldn’t straighten up my waist, and even burst into tears.
I was well aware of how the consistently delicate face of mine looked, because I could see Sehun right in front of me laughing hysterically and pointing towards me saying: “Brother, the creases are out again.”
Falling through mid air, it was strange, it was supposedly filled with darkness, but I could see Sehun below looking upwards, his eyes laughing as usual, forming a waxy and soft beautiful crescent, “Brother, I am here to pick you up.”
I reached out to him.
I did not blame Jongdae or Minseok, I could imagine the shock and grief when they saw Junmyeon’s corpse, and understand how they could not endure the tremendous feat and helplessness and therefore fled, leaving a house full of people who were still unaware to kill between themselves. Otherwise, what could they have done, dash out to tell us, “Hey, look, we are still alive but leader Junmyeon is now dead?”, is that it?
I was even morethankful that they left, otherwise I would not be the only person who is destroyed.
How were the remaining 11 of us going to take Junmyeon’s death and bear the fact that there was no returning to times before.
Therefore, let me take the rap as I was your leader.
Look, I am indeed shameless, even up till now I am still regarding myself as the hero who stayed alone to bear all the pain and punishment.
Everything felt like a dream, as though all the dead people were surrounding me and maintaining the ever sounding chatters calling out to me:
Leader, hurry up and wake up, Leader, wake up …....
I wanted to wake up, I wanted to open my eyes to the sight of their smiling faces. But there was no way, I had died too, died in the dream.
People who die in different worlds can never meet, right?
“We are meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?” - Benjamin Button
8. Oh Sehun
Falling without preparation, I felt that the sudden emptiness wasn’t beneath my body but in the chest.
My body seemed to have hit several times before smashing towards the ground but I completely did not experience pain, the entire heart’s attention was focused on the one thought that occupied my mind:
What you did, was it to win me, or to lose through foul play?
This was the most important question in the world, it was of much greater significance than whether or not I was going to die.
I have asked many question you failed to answer.
“Hyung, when you have found a girlfriend, would you enjoy drinking milktea with her more or with me?
“Hyung, how many years do you think we'll be together for, I mean the group not us …...”
“Hyung, when you return to China in the future will you still come back? Can I go visit you …....”
To all these questions, all you did was touch my head and smiled without speaking. I was just intending to ask and let it pass.
But this time, I have never craved for an answer that badly.
Awareness began to part, I used the strongest willpower I ever had to pull them back.
Oh Sehun, I’m begging you, hold on for a while.
Luhan hyung, I’m begging you, come downstairs quickly.
I am begging all of you …...
My body was smashed so severely on the ground I had started to bleed, I was afraid to waste too much effort and spirit on the pain.
The tears were on the verge of spilling, but I was afraid it would blur the eyes who gave me that glimmer of hope.
In the darkness, finally some light had emerged, as though a figure was approaching.
Is that you, Luhan?
I never knew.
I finally knew, that no matter how hard you work and no matter how much you yearned, there are things that can never be fulfilled.
I simply wanted time for an answer.
9. Kim Jongin
A din was heard from below. Luhan, Chanyeol and myself dashed down. Chanyeol ran in front, I followed closely behind while Luhan tailed at the back.
From which second did my footstep start slowing down and my heart pounding faster, I was unsure.
When we reached the foot of the stairs and approached the ray of light emerging from the bathroom, I could not feel myself moving.
There was a strange feeling gipping my heart, all the thinking resisted as I approached closer, as though behind that door was a scene I could deem most horrible in my entire lifetime.
Eventually I walked towards it, Chanyeol pushed the door open.
The raging ray of light seeped out, annihilating all the lights in my world.
I realised that I had indeed not determined the issue I had been wondering about all along, was it infatuation or was it love?
Before that, I had been trapped in an utter dilemma for a long time so I had come to a decision not to bother anymore and to allow the trend some continuation, one day, I would understand, and until then, no matter how the ending would be, I would still have to tell him.
However, that day would never come.
It drove me crazy, I was unaware of my actions. Until the next time I was sober again, I had a broken glass bottle in my hands, Tao was pushed against the wall with the bottle intricately stabbed into his abdomen.
It was him, not me, right?
Someone pushed me away, others ran, some came to me, some dragged me …. I was blinded from it, I was already not in that room.
It was at New York’s disneyland, I had my headphones on, swaying as I strayed behind everyone else. Awhile upon debuting I had remained that way, at every group reunion, I would be in a fit of confusement. Sehun stuck to Luhan so I was clueless about which gang to join. I resorted to listening to songs, it was a rather happy moment too.
However later on, Tao came over and placed his hands over my shoulders, speaking to me in segments, I could not comprehend his shoddy Korean and the abrupt burst of Chinese characters at times, he could not really understand me either yet he insisted on talking to me who did not even have the earphones removed.
I knew that he had watched me alone and was afraid it would not be enjoyable for me, although I was helpless, it was touching too.
It was a reunion few months after debut, we accompanied M to a newcomer’s ceremony in China.
At that point in time I had already fully assimilated into this crazy group, just not as crazy as some others, Tao’s Korean was getting better. He walked to stand beside me, we nodded our heads, stared at each other and smiled. After a moment of silence, I asked him: “why haven’t you been talking gibberish to me lately?”
Tao laughed, “you already have someone accompanying you, so inseparable …. I have served my purpose and it is now inconvenient to bother.” His eyes seemed to be suffering from cramps as he shot a glance towards the side.
I was well aware of who he was referring to, my faced felt like it was burning and I ignored him, saying: “At first, we were not close, I was fine being alone but you had to come and disturb me with that horrible command of Korean of yours, but now that it’s good, you are retreating?”
“Back then, you remained so quiet and did not even laugh, I almost thought you were autistic alright.” he slanted his eyes at me, “but right now, you’re constantly so joyful … I am in fear that it would turn to epilepsy.”
I burst into laughter, “this was spreaded by all of you! In this kind of a crazy band, even self protection is impossible.”
I did not used to laugh like that, even with my best friends, I could only manage plain laughter. When family members asked if I was fine, I would feel that there was nothing out of the ordinary, am I really obliged to laugh like mad? However, after having spent long hours with this crazy group, I could even suffer a breakdown from all the humor.
Even Tao was smiling to the extent that his “nest” had been revealed, after a pause, he whispered, “I am actually pretty fond of everyone.”
I said: “I know that, you have told the fans quite a number of times.”
His expression seemed to firm and serious up a little, “No, I wasn’t referring to the fans, I really love all of you.”
At the award ceremony, we stood off stage, they stood on stage. M had been awarded a newcomer’s award.
Just awhile ago backstage, speaking with such a capable tone, they chimed “don’t even dream about it, we wouldn’t be that unworthy to be shedding tears, don’t worry”, those 6 people were now standing there crying like such fools.
I observed from afar, in a faint moment of the brilliant lights, the 12 of us were up on stage.
I was reminded of the line Tao said awhile ago, “the 12 of us need to always be together, always continuing like that.”
Abruptly, my eyes felt the heat, I faced the person who stood at least 10 meters away from me on the stage, replying to the sentence which had been said a few hours ago, “alright.”
I had already felt it before Kris strut from behind, however, I was too caught up thinking about a few phrases I had seen and noted.
People become powerful when they have someone to protect.
I thought I was powerful because I had someone to protect.
If I was indeed that powerful, I would have been able to protect everyone. However, I could not even hold on to that one person.
I was only powerful enough to watch them die one by one in front of my eyes.
I turned over, intending to tell them that if we were given another chance, I would suggest for everyone to spend a memorable and unusual 2 day vacation and at the end, we would use our old methods of playing to make a final decision, something which was of my forte; scissor paper stone.
The loser would stay behind to accept punishment-- Surviving.
And then it seemed as though he had heard my thoughts, the person who brought his answer along, Kris.
There was no more chance.
I grabbed his clothes, looking at him with my eyes opened wide, I wanted to ask, if I were to apologize to Tao, would he forgive me, would he still be willing to stay with us.
But he pushed me away.
Kris, will you forgive me?
I thought that even if I got to see their souls, or even if I could return to times before, I would have never spoke, I really loved them all too, each and every one of them.
I was just like that.
Translated by heecups and wasabilxx
Please do not take out without permission